Am I consistent? I don’t know, very likely… no. There isn’t a space in my life that the same thing occurs. I don’t want it to. That’s how successful people are successful though, right? They have routines, things that they do every day, no matter the day, on time, on purpose, with purpose. I love the idea of that, I’m sure it would make life 10x easier. I’ll do something of the sort and it’ll last me a week. I don’t want my life to become predictable. I’m sure the reason is because I’m immature and I like surprises. I think what I will do is set a routine and have a reminder weekly to tell me to do it. I can start with important things like adding a layer of paint to a painting, or draw a sketch, at least think of something. For an hour a day. Cut my social media time down to 30 minutes and whoever I’m talking to has to wait until the next day when my phone lets me in. Slowly work towards becoming the robot that I need to be to be the woman I need to be. Hahahahahahahhahahahah that sounds hilarious.
I’m serious though. I could be better, more useful, and more adventurous with my time. I’m so lazy, so tired. I probably should be eating better. I probably should be making more money so I can eat better, I just don’t want to work for anyone. I’m fine with being told what to do, I respect the vision. I just don’t take them seriously. The entire time I’m thinking of how pointless it is. How little it serves anyone, how I could be doing better things with my time. Like checking instagram and getting pissed about our government, thinking up some witty subliminal response, and putting it into a painting. Yeah, that’s how my creativity is going right now. That’s really why I started writing today’s blog.
My creativity is at an all time l o s t. I am in constant rage over this country; my work is an obvious reflection. I’m just a little lost on what I even address next. I can do the same topic over again, just make it look different. But how my train of thought is set up is that would be a waste of time and no one wants repetition. I know that’s not true, that’s how you can tell someone’s work belongs to them- it has an obvious style that the artist repeats. I want to do that but something in the way I work won’t allow me. I must achieve the obvious points: it’s relative to women, relative to black people, relative to people of color, relative to the current social climate, it’s an obvious critique. I don’t care for the first painting to look like the next; I feel that the context is what ties my work together. I keep trying to have series but they don’t work out that way. I think that’s why I’m writing this…
I am reiterating to myself in a different way that I am an artist and my creative process is up to me. Within myself I can figure out my work, I can look to others for inspiration but I don’t need to look to them for rules. This is art, there are no rules. THIS IS THE FREE WORLD. (you gotta understand a lot of what I say is random and I’m usually joking. A pretty cynical person)